


How Do I Say Goodbye?

by Lady_Sci_Fi



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 13:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16556252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Sci_Fi/pseuds/Lady_Sci_Fi
Summary: The Doctor makes a gift for Sarah, in case he can't reunite with her.





	How Do I Say Goodbye?

 “Doctor! Doctor, come on, what are you up to?” Romana called out in the Tardis corridor.

 The Doctor ignored her, continuing to work on his project in his workshop.

 Romana found him anyway, pushing the door open to check this room.

 “Out!” the Doctor practically snarled, getting up from the stool and guiding Romana back out to the corridor.

 “Doctor? What’s wrong?” Romana asked as soon as the door slammed in her face. “You said you would install a randomizer in the Tardis yesterday. K9 said it wouldn’t take that long to do it.”

 “I’m doing something else at the moment.” The Doctor picked another component from the box.

 “I thought our situation was dire enough for you to have installed the randomizer immediately.”

 The Doctor sighed, annoyed at the interruption. “There’s something else I must do first. Now leave me alone.” He smiled a little when he didn’t hear anything else from Romana, and was left in peace to continue his work. He attached the component in his hand to the larger machine on the floor, and looked back in the box to consider what he needed to do next. “Shouldn’t be too hard to figure out. I’ve already done this once, not long ago.”

 ********

 The Doctor was interrupted again the next day, and now it was obvious to Romana and K9 what the man was working on. The thing on the work counter was a very familiar shape, even though it wasn’t finished yet.

 “Another K9?” Romana asked.

 “Am I not adequate, Master?” the K9 on the floor inquired, a note of concern and sadness in his tone.

 The Doctor sighed, and continued working as he answered, “Don’t you worry, K9, this isn’t to replace you. You’re a good dog, and I wouldn’t do that to you.”

 “So, what is this, then? A spare?” Romana questioned.

 The Doctor simply shook his head.

 Romana blew out a breath of frustration. “Than what? And why is this more important than the randomizer that will keep us safe from the Black Guardian?”

 “Because I need to complete this before I install that. I need to get it somewhere specific, and I can’t do that if I have no idea where we’ll end up next.”

 Romana walked around the other side of the table to look over the mostly-finished robot dog. “Who would you make a K9 for, and why?”

 The Doctor raised his eyes to stare across the table at her. “Never you mind.”

 “You could just tell me, you know,” Romana tried again.

 “It’s personal. Very personal.” The Doctor refocused on attaching a sensory ear.

 Romana raised her hands in defeat. “Fine, I’ll leave you to it, then.”

 The Doctor didn’t bother with looking to the woman as she left. He didn’t realize K9 hadn’t left with her until he asked, “Are you certain you do not wish to replace me, Master?”

 “Of course not. Why would I do that?”

 “Because you might consider me inadequate.”

 “I don’t, I promise.” The Doctor glanced between the two dogs. “Consider this more like your brother, although he won’t be around long.”

 “If that is what you want, Master.”

 “It is. Might stop your worrying. You can stay if you like, help me run through diagnostics when I get to that point.”

 “Affirmative.”

 ********

 A few hours later, the Doctor was finished. He and K9 had run diagnostics on the new model, and everything was in order. He had sent K9 away now, and activated the new one again.

 The Doctor had agonized over what message he would leave with it. There was so much he wanted to Sarah Jane Smith, so many words he could use, so many emotions flowing through his mind.

 And now that the moment had come to record the message… a lump formed in his throat, and he still couldn’t find the words. He covered his mouth with his hand and closed his eyes. He had to do this. Sarah deserved to hear from him, even if it was through a robot dog that he could only hope she would eventually get.

 He wanted to see Sarah again, wanted that with both of his hearts more than anything in the universe. He wanted to hold her in his arms again, breathe in the scent of her hair as they slept together, kiss her… love her.

 He had been waiting to do all of that again since he had left her in Croydon that day. He hadn’t been able to get back to her instantly after taking care of the business on Gallifrey, and then Leela had forced herself into his Tardis. He’d waited for her to leave, not wanting anyone else with him when he reunited with Sarah. But then, not soon after Leela had left him, Romana had been forced upon him to help him find the Key to Time. And now…

 Now he had made a very powerful enemy, the Black Guardian. He didn’t know if he would ever see Sarah again, if he even could. He couldn’t reunite with her when he was being hunted. He wouldn’t risk her like that, even though he knew she’d want to be with him again, no matter the risk.

 The Doctor opened his eyes, and slowly exhaled a long breath. He stared at the dog on the table. So, here he was now. This was all he could do, all he could give her. A rather poor substitute, but one that Sarah might have to accept.

 He lowered his hand, and took a few deep breaths. “K9.”

 The new K9 lifted his head. “Yes, Master?”

 “You are a gift for Sarah Jane Smith. A gift for her from me. Understood?”

 “Affirmative.”

 “You are to assist her with whatever she may ask of you, and to protect her when she needs it. Copy?”

 “Affirmative. Primary function to assist and protect Sarah Jane Smith.”

 “Good dog.” The Doctor patted K9’s head. “Tell her… tell her… give Sarah Jane my fondest love. Tell her I shall remember her always.”

 “Message received, Master.”

 The Doctor blew out a breath, wanting to say so much more, but deciding K9 wasn’t the way he wanted to do it. He would tell her in person, one day. He had to believe he would tell her everything himself, one day.

 He put K9 in the large metal box, and wheeled it out to the console room. He was glad that Romana and his K9 weren’t here. He didn’t want any more questions about why or who, didn’t want to talk about Sarah with them. Neither would understand.

 His fingers hovered over the buttons, hesitant and indecisive. He wanted to go to Sarah’s home in 1976, only a few days after he had left her. He nearly put in those coordinates, but managed to stop himself.

 No, he couldn’t do that. Couldn’t risk seeing her now. He’d never want to leave her again, and she wouldn’t let him. He couldn’t even risk seeing her from afar. The temptation would be too much to resist.

 Instead, he set the coordinates for her aunt Lavinia’s house in 1978. Two years out from when he had left Sarah would give him a large enough window to get back to her, in the circumstance that he could get the Black Guardian off his trail. And if he couldn’t… well, that was what this K9 was for.

 A few minutes later, the Tardis landed, and the Doctor stepped out to check if he was near his intended destination. Satisfied, he nodded, and went back in to collect K9.

 “It’s 1978,” the Doctor stated. “Remember that, in case Sarah asks when I left you.”

 “Affirmative.” K9 lifted his head to look up at the Timelord. “Master, I will do my best to aid and protect Sarah Jane Smith.”

 The Doctor gave a watery smile. “I know you will. Good dog.” With that, he folded the silver blanket over K9. “Hibernation mode,” he commanded.

 K9’s head lowered as he powered down. The Doctor lifted the lid from the floor, and secured it on the box, then patted it.

 He wheeled the box outside, and up the street to a certain house. Sarah had given him this address before, on one of their trips to her time to help out UNIT. She had wanted to visit her aunt then, and had told the Doctor where she was in case he had needed her.

 Each step up the street felt heavy, as though something was trying to stop him from doing this. His own desires, perhaps. He fought against them, knowing this was the best course of action. He still had made a window of opportunity in case he could return to her, but for now, this was right. This was what was best.

 When he stopped on the doorstep of Lavinia Smith’s house, he felt drained. His hearts were telling him to turn back and go find Sarah. He wondered how long he would be conflicted over this. Probably until he saw Sarah again. Leaving her had been the most difficult thing he had ever done, and leaving her again, even if it wasn’t directly… felt almost as bad.

 The Doctor sat on the box, and looked around, taking everything in.

 “I love you,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, if I don’t…” He swallowed heavily. No, he had to believe he would see her again, couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing her beautiful eyes and easy smile again. “Until we meet again, my Sarah…”

 A few minutes later, the Doctor returned to the Tardis, and took flight back into the vortex.


End file.
